That time is near. West Cherry is in and setting the timer for some good ol’ Upper Cherry pie. Then, ultimately, teams will make the exodus to the Godfather of trips: The Middle Kings. You’ve always dreamt of bombing off the ramp and stomping the boof on your left hip before charging “The Weir”. You’ve memorized the Seven Rivers lines… maybe thinking about The Big Bad Beaver before falling asleep at night. So what’s keeping you? People say you’re too little, the hike is too big, and you believe them. Well, you’re listening to the wrong people. A new era of expedition kayakers is now. It is not the biggest, badest, fittest, hard core, year round kayaker/ videographers. They are the broke college students aspiring to change the world, they are full time engineers and teachers and nurses, they are the feather weight class with giant hearts who REALLY want to do the Middle Kings.
Obviously the physical aspect of hiking an awkward 80 lbs over an absurd distance should be properly prepared for. Whether it’s running an off-the-couch half marathon from Vail to Vail pass (Will Lyons) or just being ridiculously good looking, it’s up to you to decide your fitness level.
I can help trouble shoot the rest with this surefire guide to success…
1. Get a permit.
2. Have a dependable carrying system that you’ve tested for at least a mile, not rigged in the parking lot of the trail head with pool foamies you bought at the Walmart in Fresno. Make certain you can walk down stairs safely and bend down under fallen logs without you becoming one yourself. It helps to pack the majority of the gear closest to your feet to save your back from balancing too much weight up high.
3. Start said expedition with as complete knowledge of the run as possible and complete intention of actually running that shit. Don’t hike in, just to hike around. Be “impact aware” and earn your spot at the campsite.
4. Clip your toenails. It’s amazing how small a toenail is and how freaking painful it can be if it becomes ingrown or you start to lose it.
5. Wear reliable foot wear with synthetic socks and a concerted effort to keep them dry. Avoid crappy wet footwear to prevent blisters which can also ruin your vacation and leave you lying on the trail crying “I can’t go on, it’s too painful.”
6. Pad contact points with boney regions. What feels like pressure on your collar bones within 5 minutes, will become a red glowing iron rod stabbing through your skeleton after 4 hours. Collar bones, hip bones, and prominent back bones should be addressed.
7. Don’t be a minimalist. Pack an appropriate sleeping bag and plenty of your favorite yummiest foods accounting for an extra day. I recommend Annie's Shells & Real Aged Cheddar, Backpackers Pantry Spicy Thai Peanut, lots of chocolate, Applegate Farms Organic Spinach & Feta Chicken Sausage, oatmeal with trail mix, and whatever else you eat for comfort foods when you feel scared or lonely… because you may experience these sensations.
8. Have plenty of water readily accessible. Although possibly excessive, a gallon jug hanging from your chest strap full of water and some electrolytes will ensure proper hydration. The more you drink the less you have to carry. Iodine is light, very packable, and very effective. I use Nuun Hydration tablets to flavor the water and they seem to neutralize it as well as provide electrolytes.
9. Wear a long sleeve synthetic top. This can triple as sun block, mosquito repellent, and a coolant for the blaring sun. Any time you come to a stream crossing to treat drinking water you can dunk your shirt in the stream to keep it wet. Also to add to this system, a baseball hat and mosquito net can be used while hiking and sleeping.
Good luck and start practicing now!